Think about the last bad day you had. Better yet, recall 10 below-average days you’ve experienced lately. What made them underwhelming? Most people blame things outside their control. Quite often, that answer isn’t wrong—but it’s useless.
If your first thought about a bad day is all about externalizing responsibility, you’re deep in victim mentality. Yes, our brains run on electricity, hormones, and neurotransmitters—but you’re not a hostage.
So, try this: “I have a not-so-good day when I’m dumb enough to do that thing I know won’t get me what I want, or when I don’t do that other thing that would protect me from whatever I don’t want to experience.”
Most people haven’t trained themselves to think this way. Instead, they chase cheap dopamine shots and stick to routines that keep the bills paid and their insecurities under control. They feel much less in charge than they’re willing to admit—even to themselves. And yet, in charge they are.
Your life is the sum of all the consequences stemming from your decisions. Most people make the same decisions over and over again—trading authentic self-expression and continuous growth for hormonal boosts that make normality bearable. To kill victim mentality, you have to change that pattern.
How do you NOT leave your day to external influences or chance?
Write a list. Note down everything you do to make yourself feel good, even though it gets you nowhere. Include any emotional addictions, time-fillers, and distracting habits, as well as whatever secret things you occupy yourself with when you’re alone and nobody’s watching. Except if it’s singing, of course—in that case, you’re good.
Then, write another list. Jot down everything you do—or could do—to get similar hormonal boosts by engaging in activities that inspire you to pursue your goals and be your best self. Keep adding more ideas to that list until you run out of ideas. For me, this list includes the kind of information I consume, the food I eat, my movement habits, and various practices that help improve my cognitive functioning.
Review both lists at least three times a day. Get addicted to what’s on list #2. Cut 80–100% of what’s on list #1 from your day-to-day.
Life flows where attention goes.
Keep updating and refining these lists. Keep reviewing them.
Your days will never be the same.
