You’ve probably been told never to compare yourself to others. I know I have. More than once. Always unsolicited.

It’s good advice. But also, it’s the worst advice ever. Humans are social creatures. If we didn’t compare ourselves to others, we wouldn’t survive. Dramatically speaking, of course.

The way I see it, comparing yourself to others can either be a curse or a tool. The difference lies in how it makes you feel. Most people I know use comparisons to either put themselves down or build themselves up. It’s a way of avoiding risk—either by triggering self-doubt or by inflating self-importance. In other words, people compare themselves to others to justify doing less, changing less, and feeling less urgency to grow.

So, how do we compare ourselves in a way that actually benefits us?

By following four rules:

1. Know Your Purpose

When you compare yourself to others, be ruthlessly constructive about it. If someone else can do it, that means there’s a way for you to do it, too. But never make it about doing something just because they’re doing it. The point of comparison should be to gather insights that help you grow, think smarter, and expand your possibilities.

2. Compare What You Do, Not Who You Are

Everyone is unique. No one is inherently above or below anyone else. Sure, there are idiots and assholes out there. But then again, someone might think the same about you. The truth is, no one lives up to their full potential in every respect—including us, no matter how hard we try. Being judgmental doesn’t get us anywhere. What truly matters is what we learn from what others do—or don’t do.

3. Compare Reality, Not Fiction

We never actually compare ourselves to others. We compare the idea of ourselves to the idea of others—both of which are shaped by our own mental filters. The problem is, many of those filters are flawed. So, use filters that make you see reality more clearly, not more distorted. Don’t just make shit up.

4. Honor Your Journey—and Theirs

No two people have the exact same history. No two people have faced the same obstacles or received the same support in exactly the same way. Your experiences are uniquely yours. So are theirs. Always take that into account.

Do these rules always keep me from making unhelpful comparisons? Of course not. Very occasionally, I’m just too quick to judge. But when that happens, I remind myself to stop being an idiot. Fortunately, these rules help with that.