Many of the problems we face in everyday interactions can be traced back to one five-letter word: trust. Or rather, an eight-letter word: distrust. Which can be defined as the inability to expect that others will act in ways we deem appropriate.
Let’s start with a question that might feel slightly provocative: Do you trust your parents?
In case you do—do you trust them to have your best interests at heart, or do you actually trust them to do what’s in your best interest? Do you expect them to be able and willing to say what’s important for you to hear and actively support the experiences you truly want to have?
Of course, you can easily swap out “parents” for “best friend”, “partner”, or “boss”. But also, you should ask yourself: Is it even their job to give you what you want? Or could there be higher forces at play, ensuring you experience what you need to experience in order to grow?
People with “trust issues” often worry that others might put them in situations they feel unprepared or unwilling to handle. At its core, this comes down to two deeper truths:
- They don’t trust themselves to be able or willing to handle certain challenges.
- They don’t trust in their own ability to attract only the situations they are capable of handling.
People who feel a strong sense of mistrust of others usually lack self-trust as well. They doubt that their Future Self will have the knowledge and skills to make the right choices and achieve the outcomes they want. And they don’t trust their Present Self to make all the necessary decisions to properly empower their Future Self.
When trust issues arise—whether with a specific person or in general—analyzing the interpersonal dynamics at hand can be highly useful. Of course, it doesn’t make sense to assume all apples are rotten. Still, you should be able to recognize and deal with the rotten ones. But you should also have a deep and honest conversation with yourself to figure out why you’re not the most self-trustworthy person you can be.
Radical self-trust isn’t just a choice you make. It’s a reward you receive—for showing up for yourself and acting self-trustworthy, over and over again.
So, ask yourself:
- Do I keep my promises to myself, no matter how small?
- Do I rigorously stop self-sabotaging behaviors and self-degrading thoughts?
- Am I actively and perpetually equipping my Future Self with the skills, knowledge, and resources needed to create any reality they want?
At the end of the day, most people don’t ‘fail’ when things get hard. They ‘fail’ long before that—when things are still manageable and taking pivotal action steps would be easy, or at least entirely feasible.
So, ask yourself another question:
Who do I truly want to be, fully intend to be, and even need to be—and what actions do I therefore have to take—to become radically, unshakably self-trustworthy?
